Who Pays for the Wedding? Real Talk on Honeymoon Costs and Who Covers What

Let’s be real-no one sits down at 22 thinking, ‘I wonder who’s going to pay for my wedding?’ But by the time you’re planning your big day, that question hits harder than a last-minute venue cancellation. And it’s not just about the ceremony. The honeymoon? That’s often the second biggest expense after the wedding itself. So who foots the bill? And why does it feel like everyone’s got an opinion?

There’s no rulebook-just old habits

You’ve probably heard the old line: ‘The bride’s family pays for the wedding, the groom’s pays for the honeymoon.’ That idea came from the 1950s, when weddings were more about family status than personal choice. Today? Most couples are paying for their own weddings. According to a 2024 survey by The Knot, nearly 60% of couples in the U.S. and New Zealand cover the full cost themselves. And that number’s rising fast.

Why? For starters, people are getting married later. They’ve been working, saving, maybe even paying off student loans. They’re not waiting on Mom and Dad to write a check. Plus, families are smaller, more diverse, and less likely to have the cash-or the expectation-to pay up.

Who actually pays for the honeymoon?

Here’s how it breaks down in real life, not fairy tales:

• 55% of couples pay for it themselves. That’s the new normal. Whether they’ve been saving for years or cut back on coffee for six months, they’re treating the honeymoon like a major life purchase-because it is.
• 25% get help from one or both sets of parents. Often, it’s not a full payment. Maybe Mom chips in $2,000 toward a Bali trip. Or Dad says, ‘I’ll cover the flights if you book the hotel.’ It’s a gift, not an obligation.
• 15% use wedding gifts. Cash gifts are now the #1 wedding present. Couples are openly saying, ‘We’re going to Bali. Help us get there.’ And guests? They’re fine with it. A $500 cash gift feels more useful than a set of wine glasses no one uses.
• 5% have it fully paid by parents. Still happens, but it’s rare. Usually, it’s a family with deep roots in tradition-or serious wealth.

Here’s the thing: who pays isn’t the real question. The real question is: who wants to pay? And what does that say about your relationship with your families?

How to talk about money without causing drama

Money talks get awkward fast. One couple in Auckland I spoke with almost broke up over it. The groom’s parents offered to pay for the honeymoon. The bride assumed that meant they’d pick the destination. The groom wanted Costa Rica. His parents wanted Fiji. No one asked the couple what they wanted.

Don’t let that happen.

Start the conversation early-before you book anything. Say something like:

1. ‘We’re thinking about a honeymoon in the Maldives. It’s around $8,000. We’re planning to cover most of it, but we’d love to hear if you’d like to contribute.’
2. ‘We know traditions say your side pays for the honeymoon. We’re not following that. We’re paying for it ourselves, but we’d be thrilled if you wanted to help.’
3. ‘We’ve got a registry. If you’d rather give cash, we’ll use it for our trip. We’ll send you photos.’

Be clear. Be grateful. Don’t guilt-trip. And don’t assume. If your parents say no, don’t take it personally. If they say yes, thank them-and don’t spend it all on one night at a five-star resort. Save some for the taxi ride home.

What’s a realistic honeymoon budget?

In New Zealand in 2025, here’s what couples are spending:

Average Honeymoon Costs in New Zealand (2025)

Destination	Average Cost (NZD)	Typical Duration	Who Usually Pays
Queenstown (NZ)	$3,500	5-7 days	Couple
Samoa	$4,200	7 days	Couple or parents
Thailand	$5,800	10 days	Couple
Bali	$6,500	10-12 days	Couple or parents
Fiji	$7,200	8 days	Parents
Italy	$9,500	12 days	Couple

Notice something? The pricier the destination, the more likely parents are stepping in. Fiji and Italy are common choices for parental gifts. But Bali and Thailand? Those are the go-tos for couples who want to stretch their dollars. And Queenstown? It’s the quiet favorite for Kiwi couples who want adventure without the flight.

What if you’re not rich? Or your families aren’t either?

You don’t need a private island to have a great honeymoon. Some of the most memorable trips are the simplest:

• A cabin in the Coromandel with no Wi-Fi for a week.
• A road trip from Wellington to Nelson, eating pie at every stop.
• Staying in a hostel in Auckland, then flying to Rotorua for hot springs.
• Booking a last-minute deal to Tonga-$800 round-trip if you’re flexible.

One couple I know saved $12,000 by skipping Fiji and taking a 10-day train ride across Japan. They didn’t need luxury. They needed time together. That’s what a honeymoon is for.

Gifts, not loans

If your parents offer to pay, make sure they know it’s a gift-not an investment. Don’t let them expect a return. No ‘We paid for your honeymoon, so now you have to visit us every Christmas.’ That’s not love. That’s transactional.

And if you’re the one giving? Don’t pressure. Don’t say, ‘We expected to pay.’ Say, ‘We’d love to help if we can.’ Then let them decide.

What about same-sex couples or blended families?

The old rules don’t work here-and that’s a good thing. Same-sex couples often split costs 50/50. Blended families? They might not pay at all. Or they might pay for part of it. There’s no script. You write your own.

One couple I met in Wellington had four sets of parents. They held a family meeting. Everyone said what they could afford. The couple ended up with $5,000 toward their trip to Portugal. They used it for a private villa in Sintra. The rest? They saved for it. No one felt used. No one felt left out.

Final tip: Don’t let money steal your joy

Your wedding day isn’t about who paid for the flowers. Your honeymoon isn’t about who paid for the room. It’s about the two of you, alone, starting your life together.

So if your parents can’t pay? That’s okay. If your in-laws want to chip in? Great. If you’re paying it all yourself? Even better-you’re building something real.

The best honeymoon isn’t the most expensive one. It’s the one where you both feel free. Free to choose. Free to relax. Free to just be together.